Our individual patterns are our puzzles. We struggle to change them, to make them something better, more fulfilling or satisfying, and yet we end up repeating them. How to we let go of these patterns? How do we complete the puzzle? How do we find fulfillment in something that is healthier for us?
I have watched for years as each one of my girlfriends and I have stumbled through the same type of relationships. The men in our lives are the same, just with new faces and names. I often hear women say that they wish they could just find a “nice guy.” As wonderful and refreshing as this sounds, none of them really want a nice guy. They are comfortable in relationships that provide them with less than they deserve, they feel at ease with a man who will take everything for himself and give little in return. My girlfriends and I secretly enjoy the struggle and the difficulty of these types of relationships. This is our pattern. We can blame this on childhood, questionable parenting, low self esteem, and psychoanalyse the hows and whys of what we do, but this doesn’t change our own behavior or our need to have a relationship that is always wrought with a little difficulty.
As women, our pattern cannot be broken by a man who is different from the others we have chosen. I know that I’ve found, and dated, men who are easy, kind hearted, giving, and who live to make me feel happy and loved. With these men, I was looking for my quickest exit. A change in the type of man I allow into my life isn’t the change to be made! I know that breaking the pattern of needing a difficult relationship requires practice, patience, and above all it requires individual satisfaction and happiness with one’s own life and self.
Is the missing piece to our puzzles of difficulty, self satisfaction? If we are truly happy, satisfied, and love ourselves, will we be ready to accept the love we deserve?