“She is really sweet. Like absurdly so. Probably why he married her.”
These words are via a conversation I was having regarding a couple who is expecting a baby, and the manner in which his wife shared this news with him. I’ve been thinking about this statement ever since it graced my iMessage inbox. Have I been magically taken back in time to the days when women were expected to smile and be sweet all of the time? Am I living in a fundamentalist mormon sect where women are to “keep sweet”? Do men only marry women who are Stepford wives, or is this what they secretly desire women to become?
As a woman, I’m deeply offended by this statement (it’s 2016, being offended is the new black). Perhaps I am warped in my approach to relationships (which is a delightful mix of supportive, sarcastic, honest, and respectful); I feel that relationships should be a ‘partners in crime’ type situation. Does this make me un-sweet? Am I to believe that only the sweetest of women are the ones that end up married? Are there now two groups of us: the sweeties and the bitches? Isn’t this a little short sighted to say that someone is only married because she is sweet?
So then what about us gals who don’t beat to the drummer of sweetness and light? Are we not marriage material because we are real and we express ourselves? Should I up my dose of Zoloft (the answer here is “no, a higher level of Zoloft only makes me sleepy”)? I’m an expressive woman who is a thinking, feeling being. If I have to somehow mute myself to make someone else want to marry me, well then I’m going to have to resign myself to the fact that I won’t get married. I know this means I’ll miss out on the wedding and the gifts, and that’s okay with me (I’m not in the market for a crystal picture frame or new cutlery).