The Sweetness Will Not Be Concerned With Me

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“She is really sweet. Like absurdly so. Probably why he married her.”

These words are via a conversation I was having regarding a couple who is expecting a baby, and the manner in which his wife shared this news with him. I’ve been thinking about this statement ever since it graced my iMessage inbox. Have I been magically taken back in time to the days when women were expected to smile and be sweet all of the time? Am I living in a fundamentalist mormon sect where women are to “keep sweet”? Do men only marry women who are Stepford wives, or is this what they secretly desire women to become?

As a woman, I’m deeply offended by this statement (it’s 2016, being offended is the new black). Perhaps I am warped in my approach to relationships (which is a delightful mix of supportive, sarcastic, honest, and respectful); I feel that relationships should be aย ‘partners in crime’ type situation. ย Does this make me un-sweet? Am I to believe that only the sweetest of women are the ones that end up married? Are there now two groups of us: the sweeties and the bitches? Isn’t this a little short sighted to say that someone is only married because she is sweet?

So then what about us gals who don’t beat to the drummer of sweetness and light? Are we not marriage material because we are real and we express ourselves? Should I up my dose of Zoloft (the answer here is “no, a higher level of Zoloft only makes me sleepy”)? I’m an expressive woman who is a thinking, feeling being. If I have to somehow mute myself to make someone else want to marry me, well then I’m going to have to resign myself to the fact that I won’t get married. I know this means I’ll miss out on the wedding and the gifts, and that’s okay with me (I’m not in the market for a crystal picture frame or new cutlery).

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9 thoughts on “The Sweetness Will Not Be Concerned With Me

  1. This post really struck something deep in me… When my previous relationship ended I had an older gentleman who I love and respect ask me ‘were you doing all the things you were supposed to do’ and my gran told me that ‘he probably left because you have an opinion on everything and you don’t do what you are told’.
    Its a scary thought that I might be on my own forever, but if my choice is that or be with someone who only likes/loves me when I behave a particular way – at least on my own I can listen to whatever I like on the radio!
    And girl, crystal picture frames are so over-rated! Just another bloody thing to dust!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Get it, girl! You are under no obligation to anyone to ‘do what you are told’ or ‘do what you are supposed do’. We get to feel, say, and do whatever is comfortable and feels appropriate for us. Period. There is no wiggle room there. Being alone is scary, but is having someone else in your life really worth becoming a robot who is only there to serve and satisfy someone else? Nope.
      Crystal picture frames are bullshit anyways!
      Xoxo

      Like

  2. Ugh I get comments like that at work all the time. I work at an engineering firm and I work with mostly men. Old men. Who like to give dating advice. I’m not sweet enough. I focus too much on my career. I don’t smile enough. I should wear my hair down more. That’s how I will get married and have babies. The only two things a girl my age should be interested in. The fact that I haven’t slapped any of them proves that I am, in fact, very sweet.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it’s not necessarily in marriage, that the girl is sweet. It’s always about LOVE, and will always about it. Guys, like girls who are true to themselves. Thanks for writing this! God bless! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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