First Comes Love, Then Comes Apathy


I’m curious about how long it generally takes to get over a breakup.  There is the supposed  ‘gold standard’:  it takes half of the time that you were in the relationship to be able to get over it. Perhaps the amount of time it takes to get over a breakup is in direct proportion to how strongly you felt about the other person? How much you loved? How happy you were? Maybe it takes each of us different periods of time to come to accept the breakup, to work through the stages of grief, or to just all around be in a place to feel like we don’t need that person in our lives anymore.

I am in such a strange place currently: I have no feelings about or for “P” all of a sudden. Of course I care about him, and want the best for him… but I just don’t have anything left for him. It’s an odd place for me to be; I keep waiting for the intense anxiety, hurt, or flood of emotions to begin, but nothing is there. Apathy or indifference, choose the word you prefer; this is where I am right now, feeling a lot of things, but none of them for “P”. I’ve been trying not to analyze this, to see it as the step I needed to begin moving on, but at the same time I keep waiting for some sort of feeling to come back here. It’s all just very surreal, perhaps because I was so in love and invested in him that I assumed that I would always feel hopelessly in love with him, and pine for him for a lifetime.

It’s strange to go from the joy of falling in love with someone, to the pain and hurt that are felt during a breakup, and finally to nothing. How strange that you can share parts of yourself, your life, with someone and one day you wake up and all of that is gone. The things you did together are just a memory, a story that you get to tell to the next person with whom you share yourself, your life. It’s all so strange: time (not you) is what ends up deciding that you are ready to move on. When the person who you once loved, to the depths of your soul, is a stranger.


13 thoughts on “First Comes Love, Then Comes Apathy

    • Oh, no! Really? I’m so sorry to hear this! For myself, I guess that the time had just come, and that I’d had enough. No conscious effort on my part at all… It just sort of happened.
      I hope this comes soon for you!!!! Xoxo


  1. It has been a long time since I ever separated from someone, I think your thoughts nail it really in terms of I think it’s how strongly you felt about that other person, Perhaps it even comes as a relief to some people in certain situations, like a weight lifted. Or the lack of feeling could maybe just be from numbness of the shock of the breakup, but it is different for every person.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The entire process of a breakup/separation/divorce is very strange (and interesting at the same time)! I feel that, with time, the choice to move on is no longer ours… it’s been made for us. It’s a relief to no longer feel hurt, but it’s also sad that the feelings that kept you tied to the other person are gone. It’s all very surreal.
      Thank you for taking the time to comment and share this!

      Liked by 1 person

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