I found this old picture that “P” had taken last year, the morning after we had been out for dinner and drinks. It has me thinking about intimacy in relationships. How do you define intimacy? What experiences do you have that are truly intimate? I’m not talking about sexual intimacy, to be clear. I’m talking about true intimacy, where you and your partner know each other completely, and are comfortable letting go. These are the moments that help to build a relationship, to allow two people to maintain closeness, and are the things that go unseen by the outside world. Intimacy is the place where you create your relationship “bubble”. Is it not one of the most important things in a relationship?
I look at the photo I’ve posted, and believe it to be a representation of intimacy. After getting back from dinner, I walked into “P’s” house, took my shoes and clothes off, and left them by the door. I was comfortable to do this without judgement, to be naked in his home, and to trust that he would allow this without question or making me feel silly. There are immovable moments that are filled with intimacy, which may not even be recognizable at the time: gently brushing the hair from someone’s face, telling someone that they have something in their teeth, or even sharing an embarrassing fact about yourself with another person. These things all build intimacy and closeness.
Thinking back to other relationships I’ve been in, the level of intimacy that I achieved with “P” was never present in the other relationships. Now that I’ve experienced this, I don’t ever want to go back to being with a person whom I don’t feel truly intimate with. How easy is true intimacy and closeness to achieve? Honestly, how easy is it for us to find a relationship that fits us perfectly? One where we feel connected, desperately in love, close, and intimate? How often do we settle for a few of these things, yet never actually find all of these things with one person?
Is it better to hold out for a person, a relationship, absolutely perfect for us, or should we make a business decision about what is easiest, and gives us most of what we want? How many people are settling, because it is easy? How many of those people are experiencing true, life altering intimacy?