What fresh hell is this?

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If you’ve never had the pleasure of reading Dorothy Parker’s brand of witty cynicism, close this page immediately and RUN to find some of her writing. She was the sharpest, most intelligent woman of her time, and I often look to her writing for strength in my own life. 

If a man is confused, needs time away from you, and in this time frame is sleeping with other women, what would you do? What would you do if the two of you keep finding your way back to each other, only to be met with more of his confusion (or at times what he feels is certainty) about what he wants? Would you stick it out and wait? Or would you move on with your life? How do you handle this situation when you are still in love with someone, but they are unsure about what they want?

While I seem to constantly be in this situation with “P”, I’ve actually never experienced something like this before. With my husband, I struggled with leaving and walking away, but this was due in large part to his issues with drug addiction. There was never any issue with the two of us loving each other, wanting to be together, and really trying to make things work.  I never know what the right move is when it comes to “P”.  I love him, but each time I get close to him again, I end up a pathetic, blabbering mess of a woman. Someone I really have never been, and am certainly not proud to be at this point in my life. For the last week I’ve just been beyond angry with him for swooping back into my life and not being sure about what he wants. It hurts, and after all of this time it just isn’t fair for him to keep doing this to me. It feels as though he’s trying out all of his other options before making a decision about whether or not I’m what he wants to settle for. Actually, it feels this way because this is exactly what he’s doing.

I love him, but I’m curious as to what some of you would do if you were in my shoes? Would you cut your losses? Or would you stick it out and see what happens?

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5 thoughts on “What fresh hell is this?

  1. I’d like to say I’d cut and run. But the reality it that I am the master of my own self punishment and sometimes the urge to be with a person takes over regardless of the detriment to myself. It’s a tough one. I’m not crazy about the sleeping with other people bit of this. But only you can say if it is worth it for you. ( absolutely love your style of writing )

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your response! I feel the same way about being the master of my own self punishment sometimes. At this point, I’m actually no longer sure if it is worth it. Trying to move past my feelings about him to see if this is even where I want to be anymore.
      That’s a tremendous compliment! Thank you!!!! I also love your style of writing!!!!
      Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There are about 3.6 billion males on earth. Eliminate the ones that are too young, too old, too distant, and just wrong for you and that leaves a huge number in the “Goldilocks” zone. Let’s say you’re left with 0.01%. That leaves you only 73 million likely mates. Add a couple more zeros and go down to 0.001% – now you’re down to only 730,000 possibilities. While “P” does something that scratches your itch, he is also completely abusing your trust and you know far better than I do that you deserve better in this one transit of life that you have (let’s put reincarnation, etc. off the table for now).
    And while she was a fine writer and a sharp wit, I’m not sure Ms. Parker should be a life model.
    Get him behind you and find someone else.
    With respect,
    MSOC

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. I’m not sure where to start here. Thank you for taking the time to write such a powerful response. This resonates like you wouldn’t believe, and I greatly appreciate it. I posted this, hoping for these sorts of responses, as is can be difficult to see things from an outside perspective when you are caught in the middle of it. This is very powerful advice, specifically the part about him abusing my trust. Wow.
      Dorothy, while not a life model at all, wrote with such a cutting, snarky force, that I find strength at times in her writing. The same thing I find in the poetry of H.D. 🙂
      Thank you a million times over!
      Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • Just because a few of us males walk on our hind legs should not leave anyone with the impression that we are entirely human 😉
        I jest but I don’t, if you get what I mean….
        And I’m very happy that I was able to provide a sensible male perspective. Good luck! MSOC

        Liked by 2 people

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